“How does the notion of being slapped difficult within the face during intercourse make us feel?” a software engineer named Will asked me personally in a meeting space packed with

co-workers.

“That’s a question that is great” we stated. “Statistically, 18 per cent of males and 12 per cent of females say they’re into it.”

No, we had been maybe not negotiating the regards to a Fifty Shades-style S&M agreement. We were engineers at OkCupid, and also this ended up being one of several concerns the software asked to ascertain people’ compatibility.

“I think being slapped into the face while having sex could be the sorts of thing you are feeling away as you can get intimate with somebody,” Will stated, tilting right back in their seat. “Do we really need to inquire about it?”

“I guess we all know exactly what Will likes in bed,” another engineer finally stated.

At 23, I’d worked at OkCupid for just two years and had been familiar with chatting honestly about intercourse at work. But did Will like getting slapped into the face? I buried my look in a spreadsheet, avoiding their eyes. I’d hoped I would personally eventually learn the answer, although not such as this.

I thought the literal database of New York City’s single men at my fingertips would help me find a fellow math nerd when I started at OkCupid, fresh out of Princeton with a computer science degree. Rather I happened to be hung through to the hipster with out a highschool level whom sat two desks across from me personally.

We hated this on concept. Also before #MeToo and Silicon Valley’s reckoning with intimate harassment, we considered intra-office dating off-limits. I became one of many only ladies in any office along with my undergraduate computer technology classes, and I also knew the effects of a gender that is strongly skewed: A platonic research session could turn (unrequitedly) intimate at any second. Me for the programming competition, I happened to be “giving a signal,” and once I denied it, I happened to be “a total tease. when I asked a classmate to partner with” But it was potatoes that are small to the horrifying stories of stalking and harassment my female engineer buddies cut back from the Bay region. Better to eliminate love through the workplace altogether.

Additionally: Will wasn’t single. Even Worse nevertheless, he’d came across their gf on Tinder,

competitor !

I attempted to utilize OkCupid to obtain over my crush, preparing times with males who have been more my “type” — an astrophysics PhD from Columbia, a programmer at Twitter, a graduate pupil from Cornell that has taught computer systems to tag the cutest pet photos on Reddit. Relating to OkCupid, I became extremely appropriate using them, but I became hung up on Will. Psychologists are skeptical that the characteristics we filter for on internet dating sites — provided passions, character types — have actually such a thing related to relationship success. But many agree totally that solely investing considerable time with someone predicts attraction; the exposure that is“mere,” as it is known.

The other time, I found a guy who caught my eye as I scrolled through OkCupid profiles. He heard Fleet Foxes, worked at Facebook and detailed programming that is competitive a pastime. Hot. One thing I couldn’t place it about him felt familiar, but. From a party at Will’s apartment months back so I messaged him and we chatted for a week until I realized something: I recognized him.

“You’re Will’s brother!” I messaged in horror.

The day that is next coffee break, Will called me down. “My brother is amazing,” he said. “You should positively provide him the possibility.”

I did son’t know if i will simply take this being a praise — Will liked me at the least sufficient to introduce me personally to their gene pool — or being an omen which he wasn’t into me personally himself. It absolutely was tempting, being matched with an individual who ended up being basically a clone of Will but who had been solitary, college-educated and who i did son’t need certainly to see five times per week. But just what if one thing went incorrect? Plus, these were roommates.

“Sorry, I don’t mix my work and life that is personal” we told his cousin coolly.

But which wasn’t true. We worked at a company that is dating. We knew exactly which of my co-workers had been solitary, because I’d match using them on OkCupid. This is the way I discovered, belated one Sunday when Will’s selfie popped through to my phone, he liked dad jokes, had sleeplessness and ended up being newly single.